April 16, 2007
As I write this, it is our last night in Tijuana. I surprised T at the theatre three nights ago. I had her meet me there and I arrived with the car already packed for the trip down here. It was like a dream – the soft lighting, the set left over from Romeo and Juliet. It inspired me to a quote from the balcony scene, which she took up with remarkable ease, replying in kind even as she skirted the stage, keeping out of my reach in the shadows. Just out of reach….ahh, T, so many years it has been that way and only now is it beginning to shift in our favor.
‘How silver-sweet sound lovers’ tongues by night, Like softest music to attending ears…’ Her nearness called to me in the empty theatre prompting my last line before I drew her to me, whispered that we were going away for a few days.
I am sitting on the deck of Djivan’s house now, watching T splash in the surf just down at the water…so carefree and light-hearted, something I have not seen in her in ages. It warms this cold, dead heart to see it. Djivan has offered this house for as long as, and whenever, we want it and I have thought many times over the last three days about staying. The worry is gone from her face, he laughter even now floats back to me amidst the crash of the surf on the sand. She has said she likes it here. Even more important is the fact that she likes us here. I feel that too, as if the world is finally ours after too much wasted time.
Serenity….that is what it is. Being away from Cole Valley has cleansed us both, at least somewhat, of some of our demons. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about Terrence since our arrival. For some reason he seems to be my constant mental companion these last few nights. The more time he spends in my thoughts, the more I am beginning to understand him. With the new relationship that T and I share now, I can understand him far better. I cannot fault him for being totally obsessed with her, I certainly am. I figure that if he was so good for T, and was someone she was willing to get so close to, he had to be a good man. As such, holding on to anger and resentment is useless and stupid. I said as much to her and the significance of my finally saying his name for the first time was not lost on her.
It is our last night here, at least for a few weeks. I have promised to take her down to Costa Rica, but first we must go home. We have responsibilities to the Council to turn over to Dusty, things to settle before we will be free enough to be away for an extended time. Even as I said as much to her, I could feel the weight of it begin to settle on us, see the lines of worry creep back into her expression. It won’t be long, love, I promise you that. Soon we will be on the road once more, the wind at our backs, the baggage left behind.
