Behind The Mirror

We are settling in well enough now that T is home.  Given  how long we  were apart,  it’s  going to take a little time to get back to normal, whatever that is for us, but I’ve no doubt we will do so.  There is one thing remaining to  do that will  settle all this and then life will be just as it should be. I’ll say this here, I’ve been through such a loss twice now and it never gets any easier. This one was  especially hard because it’s her and only  God and Djivan  have any idea just how bad it was.

Will I tell her?  Maybe in time when all this is behind us and we are back where we should be. I changed  a bit while she was gone – even Djivan noticed that my natural tendencies seemed far more pronounced and while he didn’t go so far as to  try and knock sense into my head,  he did run interference for which I am grateful. I attribute it to  the  separation and  the loss of  a bond of such magnitude that it knocked ne for a real loop and left me trying my best, based purely on instinct, to replace what I’d lost. Stupid beast, even I can  see the folly in that as no one could ever replace T with me.  Not ever….

On a side note, a dozen roses arrived for her at the shop yesterday.  All the card said was:  Sorry I missed you.  She has no idea who sent them, nor do I, but I will admit right here I don’t like it at all. Jealousy?  Yeah,  maybe…okay most likely.  The bigger issue is that it means someone’s watching her and knows she has come home. The problem with that is obvious. She seems to think it’s maybe just someone  who saw her on tour and was moved to send flowers. And maybe I am  getting concerned needlessly and it’s nothing more than a pricking at my ego.  I guess we will see.

It’s been some time since I wrote in this journal, despite my almost compulsive habit of doing so over the years, but it’s been a busy year. In the wake of all the events surrounding T and her sire, and her subsequent difficult recovery, things were looking up. Well until she wanted to get the hell out of dodge and I was reluctant to do so. I just did not feel things were finished enough to go and it’s never good when you are torn between a woman and a place. Her wanderlust and mine were lusting in two different directions and not because of each other for a change.

So, she took an offer from a troupe of acrobats passing through and Djivan took me on the road. “Louie’, he said. “It’ll be great!’ he said. Everytime he said that, it was always a sign of trouble to come and who am I to pass that up? So it was on the road again, as Willie Nelson was so fond of saying. We headed south and T went…wherever. Thank god and Verizon for cell phones but there were times I was out of reach – sometimes it was the service and sometimes I just let it go to voicemail. Dr. Phil has it wrong. Talking about everything is not always the way to go. Sometimes a good voicemail service is the best way to clear your head – they can stay in touch with you and you can not listen and not have deep talks but still know they care. And when you start to miss them, well let your fingers do the walking.

So it was that I finally got my head out of my ass and called and admitted that is where my head had been. T, bless her, was kind enough not to say ‘I told you so’ and assured me she still missed me like crazy. There was more and it was a pull I felt as well that was starting to really get to me. ‘Come home’ I said. She pointed out that I was not yet at home either and we had no idea where home was now. The question in her words was unspoken but it was there. She was wanting to know if I was going to want to go back there but that time has passed. I assured her I had a better spot in mind. Knowing how much she’d enjoyed the beach in Mexico, I thought the closest coast was good and found a decent enough city.

So my bachelor days with Djivan were done and it was time to get down to business as I called it…..whipped is the word I think Djivan used. At least it sounded like that’s were he was going before I punched him a good one to the kisser, which highly amused him. We landed in Magid and soon got the shop set up and things are going right along. I’ve met a fair number of Family here which is surprising.

It took a while for T’s tour to finish up but typical of her, she just appeared at my door one night as if she’d only gone out for a walk an hour earlier. So we are catching up. I’ve a lot of stories for her as I’m sure she does for me. One in particular needs to be told and that is the one that covers the real reason Djivan and I hit the road. We wanted to make sure her past problem, her sire Jago in other words, was truly gone. I know he fell under my hand but that man has ways beyond most of us and it never hurts to make sure. It turns out he is and that is the good news. I heard whispers of some other things I don’t like and that’s the bad news. The good news I’ll tell her now. The bad news? Well….we’re looking into it…..