Behind The Mirror

We are settling in well enough now that T is home.  Given  how long we  were apart,  it’s  going to take a little time to get back to normal, whatever that is for us, but I’ve no doubt we will do so.  There is one thing remaining to  do that will  settle all this and then life will be just as it should be. I’ll say this here, I’ve been through such a loss twice now and it never gets any easier. This one was  especially hard because it’s her and only  God and Djivan  have any idea just how bad it was.

Will I tell her?  Maybe in time when all this is behind us and we are back where we should be. I changed  a bit while she was gone – even Djivan noticed that my natural tendencies seemed far more pronounced and while he didn’t go so far as to  try and knock sense into my head,  he did run interference for which I am grateful. I attribute it to  the  separation and  the loss of  a bond of such magnitude that it knocked ne for a real loop and left me trying my best, based purely on instinct, to replace what I’d lost. Stupid beast, even I can  see the folly in that as no one could ever replace T with me.  Not ever….

On a side note, a dozen roses arrived for her at the shop yesterday.  All the card said was:  Sorry I missed you.  She has no idea who sent them, nor do I, but I will admit right here I don’t like it at all. Jealousy?  Yeah,  maybe…okay most likely.  The bigger issue is that it means someone’s watching her and knows she has come home. The problem with that is obvious. She seems to think it’s maybe just someone  who saw her on tour and was moved to send flowers. And maybe I am  getting concerned needlessly and it’s nothing more than a pricking at my ego.  I guess we will see.