Behind The Mirror

Well here it is. I have been avoiding the thought of it but now I am sitting here staring at the calendar, my eyes drawn to the date like a compass to true north. The number on the page looks so benign and yet it is astounding how a simple printed number could carry such weight, could be such a painful reminder. Even now I can hear the storm in my mind, her knock at the door, the horrifying memories she stirred up…and the secret that was to bind us as surely as we gave in and bound each other.

She said it was all about protection, insurance that I would never reveal it but I know that, deep down, Lavi was so alone, so hungry for someone to hang on to and I fit the bill nicely. She’s always said she trusted me above anyone given all we’ve been through so I guess it was inevitable. And a mistake.

Now, looking back after it’s all over I am convinced of that. I finally became myself again and things are getting back to something approaching normal. At least until today. It seems like some huge cosmic joke that, after being gone for so long again, she reappears on the anniversary of that step that led us down a path that has so damaged the both of us. At least Lavi was civil and businesslike when we saw her tonight and if she suspects the bond T and I now share, she gave no indication. But that’s Lavi – you never know what lurks beneath that cool, affected exterior.

Things at home are fine. T is a saint and it’s all working out just as I had hoped all these long years of waiting for her. She seems to have adjusted decently well to the loss of Terrence and so we go on, making our way together.

Not much else of note except that T is going away for a couple of days to visit an old circus friend she has not seen in ages.